From hashtags on twitter to the rant on WhatsApp statuses to comments on facebook, to the war against men and authorities; we cannot leave the absolutely absurd opinions, ideas and gimmicks (false rape allegations, dark jokes and the unrelenting attempt of people searching for inglorious attention) out too. The conversation of rape—and other form of assaults—has nearly reached every mouth.
But what are we not talking about? I want to keep this short, so I’ll be stating some points that are actually a summary of a conversation I had with well-meaning brilliant minds.
I will also try to be pragmatic.
It is not uncommon to hear people say “If you want sex so bad why not go to a whorehouse and get a prostitute.” That is wrong on all ends. Why?
That brings us to our first point
• Tell rapist not to rape. Tell everyone not to rape (even though that might be a long shot, telling them it doesn’t mean they will stop). Because rape does not stem from the need for sex. You can get as much sex as you want from as many consenting girls, at any time, and angle and position that you want. Rape stems from other reasons that we all know—delusion of grandeur, narcissistic disorders, and pure evil — but will not be discussed in this article.
The other wrong notion that that quoted statement inspires is that it objectifies sex workers (prostitutes). Pay attention to the following bullet points that state, in the most straightforward way possible, some facts.
• Sex workers can be raped
• A sex worker is like every other worker and should be respected as such.
• A sex worker is not always working. So because you know her as a sex worker doesn’t mean you can have her at your beck and call every time.
• When a sex worker accepts money from you, that is consent. However, a sex worker can withdraw consent even after receiving money, even midway into the act. This is where it is dicey, stop when she tells you to stop. Withdrawal of consent is possible mid-sex (even though that can be a precarious situation). You might then ask, ‘What about my money?’ It’s like paying someone to dig a well for you, but midway the person refuses to continue. Will you force the person to continue digging? No, the best you can do is ask for a refund or for another person to offer the service you paid for.
• It is also very important if you use the service of establishments to get your girl escorts, to carry out research about how these establishments source their girls to be absolutely sure they don’t employ underage ladies and they don’t apply sex labor. If you have the slightest reservations, please stay clear. If the ladies are forced sex workers, that would mean that every single encounter they have with men are not actually consensual. Just to be on a safe side and for posterity and goodwill, you may ask the girl in question. Of course you won’t know and wouldn’t be blamed for your ignorance if after doing all that, it happens that the ladies were forced or underaged. The grunt would be for the establishment to bear.
• However, for posterity and goodwill also, you can report any such establishment that you find wanting after your research. ‘anonymously’.
• Finally, sleeping with a sex worker once doesn’t make you entitled to her body. Okafors law doesn’t apply here. She’s not yours.
To change reality, change social conditioning.
The enormous question still looms. HOW DO WE PUT AN END TO RAPE?
Yes, trending hashtags and bringing rape issues to the public eye is a monumental move. No one achieves anything without first achieving knowledge. People have to be knowledgeable that rape is a virulent pathogen in the society that needs to be stopped. We must call authorities that wields the power of the rule of law too out. No free society stands well when the law does not take a stand against total freedom to do anything you wish.
Yes, trending hashtags and bringing rape issues to the public eye is a monumental move. No one achieves anything without first achieving knowledge. People have to be knowledgeable that rape is a virulent pathogen in the society that needs to be stopped. We must call authorities that wields the power of the rule of law too out. No free society stands well when the law does not take a stand against total freedom to do anything you wish. But,
• We’ve always had hashtags. Just don’t just be an online noisemaker, we need more hands to approach and talk to young boys and girls
• It behooves upon you to make sure you don’t raise the rapist of a man or a woman. Though a good upbringing is not a given, your good effort is still required. That’s the least you can do for society.
• Again train your children to not think they should always get what they want. That’s always the genesis of narcissism.
On one last note, the talk we cannot avoid is the deep-seated cultural and social ones about gender and gender roles. It is, for me, one of the greatest foundation to rape (male on female been the most rampant). But how does one embark upon the journey to rewrite history, legacy, and culture of centuries?
I think to change reality, change social conditioning. To change social conditioning, you start with identifying those inherent cultural, social, religious beliefs that have been normalized but that are precursors (innocently) to many vices in the society. After identifying, we start to change those things in us and in young ones around us.
I tell people I will make mistakes, but it won’t be the ones my parents made.